February 2012
9 posts
I’m beginning to learn that I can’t win every day.
“Because you speak to me with words and I look at you with feelings.”
This accurately describes my current predicament.
3 tags
I’m alone. I have been alone for a very long time. I can continue to be alone indefinitely. I am strong, I am capable. I can do this. My happiness does not depend on the decisions of other people. I am my own person. I will hold my own.
2/12/12
It’s 4 AM. I feel like shit. I took 7 shots of Malibu and 1 shot of Bacardi. I thought I could drink my sorrows away tonight, but apparently I can’t. When you start off feeling like shit, you end up feeling like shit, despite the momentary phases of contentment in between. I find myself under the wrong impression on the daily. Every time I think I’ve figured something out, in no...
I feel alone and I feel scared. I don’t want to be here anymore. Things are changing and I don’t think I’m being factored into any of it. I want to go home. I hate how alone I feel. I hate how much I need everyone, but nobody needs me.
Don’t you see what’s happening here? I’ll never be anyone’s favorite. Nobody ever needs me more than I need them. Nobody laughs at everything I say. I’m not funny. I’m not cute. I’m not nice. I’m unpleasant. I’m brutally honest. I say mean things. I’m judgmental and impatient. This is who I am and nobody will love me for it.
2/7/12
Woke up with 10 1/2 hours of sleep under my belt. I curled my hair the night before and it looked like shit this morning. Stupidest decision ever. I shouldn’t have curled it at all, it was raining for half of the day. Went to lunch with Veronica, Laryl, Frank and Arthur. I went for my very last psych study today. The computer froze before I could play Cyberball, whatever that is. Part...
Nothing is going my way tonight. My brain isn’t working. Dorm internet moves at a glacial pace. My eyes are dry. The Read More button never works. My head is throbbing. My grade in Psych is unsatisfactory. My understanding of Econ is incomplete. My hair is losing it’s volume. The people living above me stomp around at all hours of the night. My nail polish is chipping. The room is...
